Horror Movie Monsters
October is a great time to watch horror movies in anticipation of Halloween. It’s fun to be scared, to laugh in the face of fear, or to just enjoy the nostalgia of watching the beloved axe murderers of your childhood …you know what I mean.
The horror genre is absolutely full of monsters (and people capable of monstrous cruelty), so we thought we’d put together an abridged field guide of horror monsters.
As Seen In: Alien, Signs, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, etc.
Powers: Sometimes fancy technology, interest in colonizing or eating, the ability to hide in human flesh
Weaknesses: It depends on the alien. Sometimes you need explosions and fire, but sometimes you just need water, so keep throwing stuff at them until it works.
Axe Murderers, Serial Killers, and Homicidal Folks of All Sorts
As Seen In: Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street
Powers: Big weapons, weird obsession with killing teens, sometimes can defy physics and/or probability
Weaknesses: On some level, they’re just humans. You can’t really arrest aliens or ghosts or Cthulhu, but you can call the police on serial killers. Run into the street to get help, not up the stairs to hide.
Creepy Little Girls/Hauntings
As Seen In: The Ring, The Grudge, The Poltergeist
Powers: Being really creepy, getting into your house through strange means, and sometimes hiding part of their face behind their hair, which is a lot scarier when they do it than when the kid on your bus does.
Weaknesses: They’re usually stuck to one area or object. Get away from the burial grounds and haunted houses, and only watch movies on your computer. Samara has no idea how to use Netflix.
As Seen In: Almost every horror, paranormal romance, and urban fantasy you’ve ever read.
Powers: Strength, persuasion, sharp teeth, being really attractive.
Weaknesses: Can’t come inside if you don’t invite them. Can’t be out in the daytime. Can’t eat regular food. Can’t get a decent tan. Stake to the heart works best, but you can always just break up with them and they’ll usually get broody and leave.
As Seen In: 28 Days Later, Zombieland, Dawn of the Dead, Shawn of the Dead.
Powers: Being really hungry and infectious. Where there’s one, there’s usually a crowd, and it gets dangerous because someone from your team will get bit and not tell anyone.
Weaknesses: They’re literally humans without the consciousness, intelligence, tool-making, or the ability to run or jump. If you can defend yourself from the serial killer, the zombie is no big. It’s like staying away from any virus. Stay away from close living quarters, exercise, and get regular check ups.
Add your own!